Life and stuff.

Today...

2008-07-11T03:48:23Z

...is the last day of my life I will ever be seventeen years old...

Wow. Am I ready?

Aha.

2008-03-29T06:01:56Z

Yesterday:

"You look different today... You're glowing."
"...Do you mean to tell me I look like I'm pregnant?!"
"No... You just look really, really happy."

Aha... We lost the Eastlake match... Whee. It was another close one, just like last time, only, they got the last question... Bah. Even in spite of that though, she was right... I was happy... for one reason or another.

Today:

"They fail to cater to the largely-wristed."

Aha... DISNEYLAND. Whee! It was fun, but it felt like we didn't do enough. No Space Mountain! O___O No Carousel! Not enough video... Blah... But still. It was good times. Good times. I lost my Splash Mountain virginity! AND! I finally got something with my name on it! I can never find anything with "Rachelle" on it... Always "Rachel", which isn't right. But no longer! Whee! And apparently... I'm a "Clammy" on a sexiness scale from "Blah" to "Uncontrollable". >___<

Tomorrow:

"I don't know... perhaps just wanting to spend more time with you..."

Aha... <3

Hmm...

2008-03-20T05:58:54Z

Today was an exceptionally good day for a hunt.

At Long Last

2008-03-15T00:32:04Z

This morning showed me it's possible to get people to come around, as long as you have connections and stay honest.

Second period showed me it's possible to procrastinate up until the last minute (for some of us, the literal last minute -LOL) and still finish on time.

This afternoon showed me it's possible to just say no even if you thought it's what you wanted in the first place.

And now I'm extremely happy.

My dad is actually thinking about it. I messed up my t-scores, but oh, well. My HoD packet got turned in (even if it was incomplete -hey, it's better than nothing). I've come to the conclusion that Grease isn't going to happen for me. And now... now I get a short reprieve from the stresses of Advanced Placement classes and homework. Now, I have free time.

To quote you... this is... how do you say it... good? <3



                                                                                                      :D

Breathe, Rachelle. Breathe.

2008-03-13T23:38:12Z

1. You're like a sugar-coated bit of poison. I hope you enjoyed that simile.
2. I can't even begin to believe how closeminded you're being about this.
3. It's worth it. It's totally, totally worth it. And the line's so thin right now.
4. Don't worry about me. I'd tell you if I thought it was your business. But you're right. And thank you for pointing that out. :]

Blah. There are too many of these lately. It's like a disease.

Blue Team, FTW!

2008-03-13T00:54:17Z

So... I had the Heart of Darkness test/essay today. That was... glorious. *cough* That is the most beautiful example of complete BS you will ever find. Yes, you may commend me for it. Yearbook brought on exciting moments regarding risque lingerie, superhero counterparts, and a friend that emits Laughing Gas. Fourth period was pretty glorious. It was judgment and it wasn't scary! That's a complete first!

Then some Cranium with the team. Marty and I thought we were going to lose for sure. And Almaraz was so full of it. "I'm a master at this game!" "Prepare to be defeated!" "Winning team right here!" Yeah, right. He subsequently knocked over a Big Gulp cup full of Coke. That's ownage right there. Whatever, Marty and I won. Yay for the Blue Team!

Afterwards, I got protection for the blonde-skateboarding molester and worked some things out. Yay for plans!

1. I say you should just go for it.
2. I thought you heard me the first time. Like I'd really say anything else though... :D
3. You're confusing me. I'm not going to stress over it though. I'm done with that.
4. Honestly... I think I'm done with that, too. Sorry for abandoning you.
5. One day, you and I will make our own language. It's going to be awesome. So awesome.

:)

2008-03-12T03:05:45Z

The day had it's incredibly crappy moments... But it ended beautifully.

So...

2008-03-11T01:59:39Z

...I've been doing this a lot lately.

1. You're crazy. Sometimes you're more shameless than I am. xD
2. I do these because my confidence has been shot to hell with this sort of thing... But it's slowly coming back, so maybe you'll hear them in person.
3. Haha... Hilton Head Island... Hahahaha.
4. I know I wasn't there today... but frankly, I don't really care. I think I could do without this entire thing anyway.
5. It's lost its glittery fun aspect. The only reason I stay is you.
6. Bah, let's get on the phone and stump the system again!
7. You're even more shameless than #1 with what you were going to pull today. LOL.
8. I'm bad... I know it. You're know you were thinking it too, though. xD
9. You need to stop that. You really do.
10. You can keep trying, but I think you'll fail more than you'll succeed.

And there you have it. Another list.

Monkey See...

2008-03-10T01:02:00Z

Monkey do.

1. I'm embarassed to admit that this is making me terribly impatient. But it is. And I can't wait. :]
2. You're extremely frustrating. And that's coming from someone completely outside the situation. That's how frustrating you are.
3. You are also very frustrating. Just... just let me be for once. Please?
4. You're a model, you know what I mean. You gotta shake that little tush up on the catwalk. LOL. ILY. <3
5. Do you know something I don't? Or did you do that accidentally?

Yeah... Only 5 this time, because that's all I have to say at the moment. I'll add more if I feel like it.

The Cure to My Boredom

2008-03-09T00:53:23Z

Ah, I had a dream in which I was at school and everyone was calling me the First Lady.

Anyone care to interpret?

Clogged drain

2008-02-07T09:20:47Z

To do today:

-Do not forget to bring my Physics book.
-Do NOT forget my Academic League shirt.
-Bother Mr. McBride to either tell me what I got on my last test or grade the last test if he hasn't already and then tell me.
-Pick up my Winter Formal pictures.
-Ask Alicia and Vic what colors they want on their 42 shirts.
-Scold Vic for not coming to lunch yesterday when I asked him to and confirmed twice.
-Freak out about the Academic League match this afternoon against San Ysidro.
-Ask who's coming to the match this afternoon against San Ysidro.
-Confront two very annoying and bullheaded teammates about my captainship.
-Kick San Ysidro's ass and inwardly choke them back as a form of vengeance for last Friday's "Incident".
-Go home and call Dr. Sinclaire about my "possible ties to other universities".
-Go to the Financial Aid workshop @ ORHS @ 6 with my mommy.
-Practice my callback scenes/song for Grease callbacks tomorrow.
-Watch Survivor: Fans vs. Favorites.
-Catch up on all of my English homework and actually read Slaughterhouse 5 in preparation for tomorrow's essay.
-Catch up on today's lack of sleep.

I ~~want~~ need to unclog my schedule.

Gah... I'm so tired... I have to - Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Mahalo

2008-02-01T07:29:02Z

So I took a test that I owned (but I think #4 owned me). Then second period rolled around, which was pretty much uneventful until ELP, where I learned that females are attracted to males who give off pheromones that indicate possession of similar immune systems to the female's father. Neat-o! There isn't much to say about third period except that it was then that I started to get nervous about the Teacher-Student Academic League Match, which we charged $1 admission to. Haha, Fish paid a dollar to watch us get owned.

Wow. 78-36... to the teachers. Lovely.

We totally got school'd... if you don't mind the pun.

But whatever, Kim and I indulged in some Hawaiian food and insanity afterwards that made the loss insignificant in the long-run. Thanks, buddy.

Yeah, so that's your basic "summary o' the day". Stay tuned for the in-depth, over-reaction posts, folks!

Rachelle, out.

PS: Online window-shopping is t3h s3cks. <3

Teh call-back nerd

2008-01-24T07:23:13Z

So I was a slight nerd at call-backs today. Or a total nerd, depending on your Pee Oh Vee. I like dancing and when I do it, I always either underdo it or overdo it. Today, I think I overdid it a little. BUT! It was funnnn. Yes, so fun it deserves four n's. Gah... haven't done choreographed dancing in about two months... I got tired-ish.

My confidence doesn't know where to go because there were a lot of people who were really good, and some weren't that great and some that were only OK. Then Tammy says I got lots of comments like "Awesome!" "Bubbly!" "Cute!" "Spunky!" and the like... Soooo, that might bode well?? We shall see! Haha, Kelso, I stole that from you.

Anywho.

To Jen: Everytime you do your "invisibles" thing, I get slightly frustrated, because I always think one of them might be me. Now, generally, I can tell who is who and when I'm present and which one I am. But this time, I really can't tell if I'm there. I have a hunch, but I'm unsure and I hate not knowing. But, for tonight, I'm stealing your idea because I have things I need to get off my chest (my chest that appears to be too large for a medium-sized Academic League shirt that would have fit normally should my chest have been smaller...):

1. What's going on? Why... Why is our dynamic different? We've been through this before. I'm sad, confused, and a little hurt that you didn't get the hint the first time. Or... is it my fault?
2. You and me. Dancing. Anytime.
3. You and me. Anything. Anytime.
4. I'm happy for you, extremely happy... Just remember I need lovin' too, yes?
5. BLAH!
6. Sometimes, you're too conceited for my taste, hon. Tone it down, just a tad.
7. Gah, it doesn't matter when, as long as it happens.

There. I think that's just vague enough to keep people guessing.

Blah... the list of nerdy things I've done recently is quite long and at the moment I'm quite lazy, so I'll leave this here.

<3

PS: If someone would be so kind as to buy me a nice set of mirrored aviators, they'd get +42000 Rachelle-love points. You know you want those points as much as I want those shades. (But seriously, if you're considering it, make sure the lenses aren't tinted any weird color. Gray/black all the way. B) Plz. Kthxbai.)

NOOOOO!

2007-12-15T07:20:47Z

Ero-sennin!!

Bah!

Kishimoto-sama, noooo!

</3

Dying is easy. Living is hard.

2007-11-28T07:17:48Z

And it's even harder living with anticipation. I thought worry was bad enough.

24 hours beautifully spent...

2007-11-12T06:30:03Z

And now I miss you all soo much.

Blah for writing.

2007-11-09T05:49:29Z

OK. So the last two entries were extremely depressing. Well... to me anyways. The first (the bridal scene), I wrote today. It just... came out. Onto the screen through my fingers. The second ('Guillotine') ... I wrote after being inspired by the scene in POTC3 where Beckett is walking down the steps of the ship and all around him cannon fire is exploding and the look on his face in the moments directly before he is blown up is just so serene... It also just happened to come out.

I never planned to write either of these. I just opened up a typing medium (LJ and Word, respectively) and started typing. How odd. I usually like planning out every little detail before I venture into the extensive odyssey known as putting words on a page. And yet... some of my best work comes from just doing.

*sigh* Inconsistencies are interesting.

Anyways. Yeah. Two stories. Both sad-ish. Weird for someone as happy-go-lucky? as me?

'Guillotine': An older story you may not yet have read.

2007-11-09T05:41:02Z

Benjamin Walker stood straight, defiant, stoic as he walked toward his death. His posture, his gait, was that of a man with a fierce determination to see his mission through to the end, a man with pride despite the situation he was thrust into so completely, a man who knew that he could not escape his fate and did not care, a man who was looking Death straight in the eye and saying “Bring. It. On.”

The townspeople’s cries of “He’s innocent!” and “Let him go!” went unheard. The loud and tortured sobbing of his mother as she tried, hopelessly, to reach out to him as he walked by, despite the guards holding the masses back to let him through, did not faze him. His friends and comrades, fighting to get to him, trembling in a mixture of rage and desperation, were ignored. Their struggles, along with the struggles of every other person present, every other person who wanted him freed, were noticed, but neglected.

Benjamin Walker looked straight ahead as he walked, hands bound, back erect, eyes focused, narrowed. With each deliberate step he took, his boots would scrape the dirt beneath him unceremoniously. He was never one to linger on such trivial things as the fact that these deliberate steps would be the last steps he would ever take. He did not care to relish in them, to savor them, to remember these few passing moments. Caring about such things did nothing.

Death is something I have yet to experience and that is all.

A child broke through the hold of the sentry wrestling to restrain the mob, lost balance, and almost tripped before racing to halt directly in front of Benjamin Walker.

Benjamin Walker immediately stopped, as did the sentinels on either side of him, as he looked, without emotion, down to the boy before him.

The boy panted and moved to wipe the sweat off his forehead, smearing the dirt on his face in the process. Still panting, he looked up, wide-eyed, brows furrowed, body shaking with suppressed tears.

“What are you doing?!” he cried. “Why aren’t you fighting back?!”

A fleeting glimmer of shock gave way to a quick flash of regret in the eyes of Benjamin Walker. The minute display of emotion was short-lived, however, having died as quickly as it had appeared.

Benjamin Walker opened his mouth, a simple gesture that silenced the throng of people around him thoroughly and completely, and said indifferently, apathetically, uncaringly, to stunned ears, “I am through with fighting back.”

The crowd ceased to move. Shock and utter disbelief settled in among everyone present.

Something inside the boy snapped. His eyes widened and bulged. His tears fell. His trembling grew stronger, more frantic. His fists clenched so tightly, his nails dug into the skin of his palms. His breathing stopped and his throat went completely dry.

The boy stuttered. “But… But you… You always fight back.” He gulped and pleaded with his eyes for Benjamin Walker to be joking, to be lying, to be saying anything but what he was saying right now. “You… always fi-“

“Not anymore.”

Benjamin Walker stared at the boy for no longer than a second more before he straightened himself, moved his eyes to look ahead, and began to walk once more.

As Benjamin Walker passed him, the boy gazed, unseeingly, in the opposite direction, shaken completely, shocked thoroughly, and heartbroken utterly, as the realization of the defeat of his hero shot through him like cannon-fire.

Gasps turned into whispers. Whispers turned into chatter. Chatter turned into shouts. And the rioting resumed, the voices of all of the people melding together into one loud, incessant, ominous hum.

The boy didn’t hear any of it. Neither did Benjamin Walker.

Benjamin Walker’s world was silent as he walked up the steps to the guillotine. He did not hear the cries of the masses. He did not hear the words falling from the maw of the prosecutor three yards away from him as he read off all of the accusations with which he was charged. He did not hear the creak of the wood beneath his executioner’s feet as said executioner made his way toward him in a burly, menacing fashion only to shove Benjamin Walker onto his knees and forcefully slam his head through the hole in the wooden framework of the horrifically abominable contraption.

Benjamin Walker looked down and what greeted him was a sight thoroughly macabre and grotesque: a basket full of the lifeless heads of those put to death before him. The basket itself was sickening with the blotches of blood soaked into it, perhaps permanently, and splattered around it, leaked from the throats of the death-penalty victims. The states of the necks, the points of decapitation, of each individual head varied greatly. Some were clean and neat, from the executions of those who had the privilege of being executed by a newly sharpened blade. The skin and muscles were jagged and torn on some, from when the blade had been dull. The whole thing carried the unbearable, foreboding, and chillingly ghastly stench of death.

But the feature most gruesome of all was the faces.

The face of one man’s head had its eyes shut tightly as if the man was bracing himself for the strike of his imminent doom. Another had its mouth and eyes wide open in agony and terror as if the man had been alive for a second after the moment of impact. A moment of surprise flitted over the face of Benjamin Walker as his eyes fell upon the head of a woman. This woman’s face was, unlike the others in the basket, completely serene, at peace. It was as if, had her body been attached, the woman was in a state of slumber. It was as if, like Benjamin Walker, she knew she was going to die and she embraced it.

Benjamin Walker blinked and the surprise was gone.

“Ben…” The word slipped whisperingly from the lips of a woman in the throng and, despite the silence of everything else, Benjamin Walker had heard it. It traveled to him on the faintest of breezes as if the wind were speaking to him.

Benjamin Walker craned his neck upward, without any regard toward the ache forming from being in such a position. His eyes fell upon a face in the crowd that stood out amongst the rest, the face of a woman, the immaculately exquisite face of Julietta Harrington.

Their gazes locked.

To any onlooker, it would have seemed that Julietta Harrington was just as stoic and indifferent as Benjamin Walker, but Benjamin Walker knew. He knew her eyes were telling a different story. The plethora of emotions running across her large, warm, gray orbs was sign enough for him to know she was suffering inside.

“Ben…” His name slipped once again from her perfect lips and, for the second time that day, Benjamin Walker felt regret.

Their gazes grew more intense as if stares could tell the other person exactly what each was feeling, exactly what each person meant to the other. As if stares would save him.

“Juliet-“

The prosecutor had stopped reading the charges from his scroll. The uproar of the masses had faded into silence. And now, no onlooker could confuse the look on Julietta Harrington’s face for indifference. The shock was thoroughly and completely evident on her pretty features.

The executioner had pulled the lever.

Writing Exercise

2007-11-09T04:06:05Z

The bridal lace made her look so utterly pure. Her bridesmaids were fussing over her, brushing off unseen specks of dust here and there, straightening nonexistent folds in her skirt, adjusting and readjusting her veil, making sure she was perfectly perfect.

They didn't realize there was nothing that could be done that could make her anymore beautiful than she already was. They never did. And so they fussed.

She gazed at her reflection. Her reflection gazed back. Both girls stared at each other in utter emotionlessness. Her eyes were bored and her lips were set in a line that displayed none of the feelings brides were supposed to feel on their wedding days. Where the hell was the happiness, the euphoria that was supposed to come with the whole Holy Matrimony package?

Wasn't this supposed to be her "Big Day"?

Oh, but it was big. It just... didn't sink in.

The words of everyone around her, everyone rushing to make sure everything was perfectly perfect, sounded like some incessant buzzing noise. The sentences said were all blurred together to form one, incoherent, ugly din.

"Oh, Marie, you look so-"

"Gorgeous! Absolutely-"

"That's not supposed to-"

"Where is my-"

"Almost, almost! Right-"

"Seriously, where is my-"

"Goodness, can't we-"

"This is it!"

This is it... This is it ... This was it. The words only faintly registered in her head for a second before the fuss that was going on before exploded.

They started brushing off the unseen specks of dust more vehemently. They smoothed out whatever offending folds seemed to appear in her skirt. The veil must have gone through at least twenty different positions and repostions before everyone thought it was right. Everything had to be perfectly perfect.

No one thought to consider that maybe it already was. They never did.

And then they were gone.

Her steady gaze upon her own reflection broke away reluctantly as she sluggishly surveyed the now empty room. Faint strains of music could be heard through the walls. The church pianist must have started playing already.

Oh... Was her single thought before she hid her face behind the veil, gave her reflection one last, lingering glance, picked up her bouquet and skirt and left the room.

Her father had passed on a while ago and she found herself feeling only slightly disappointed that he could not be here to walk her down the aisle. Several of her uncles had offered to give her away. Some friends had done the same. She declined them all.

If it couldn't be her father, it would be no one at all. And so she walked into the large double-doorway alone. The thought should have saddened her, but emotions seemed to be falling away.

She looked straight ahead as she began her journey down the aisle. She could feel the eyes of people on her and she could tell what they were thinking even though she decided against sparing any of them a glance.

Oh, she looks so perfectly perfect.

The bridegroom stood in her direct line of vision and her features refused to light up the way they were supposed to. Her eyes were the same empty eyes that stared back at her in the mirror.

Each step seemed to take forever. The bridegroom didn't seem to be any closer to her than when she had started. And yet, she still walked.

She was slightly aware of all of the smiles directed at her. She could barely hear the whispers murmured about her. She could almost imperceptibly feel the attention focused solely on her and her walk. The pressure to be perfectly perfect was acute.

She walked. And walked. And...

The shot rang out before anyone had time to breathe. A room that seemed to be filled with stillness before now seemed utterly stationary. Shock was greater than any other feeling.

Silence took over. Sounds that she could only barely hear before could now only be imagined.

She tipped back an inch. Another inch.

And they screamed.

She fell slowly. Gracefully. Immaculately. Even now, she was perfectly perfect.

They screamed but they didn't move. They were in awe of her beauteous descent to the floor. Angels had never fallen in front of them before.

The ground seemed to cushion her as she made soft contact with it.

The blood began to collect around her.

And then they moved. The rushed to her. The fuss they and everyone else had made before was nothing compared to the intensity of what was going on now.

Some gazed at her. Some cried. Some screamed. Some whispered utterly fake murmurs of denial.

"Oh, but she was so perfectly perfect."

The bridegroom knelt by her side and lifted the veil from her visage.

There on her immaculate face was the first smile she had made all day.

Dust was no longer important because the dress was now tainted with crimson. Folds and wrinkles were everywhere. Her veil was soaked.

And yet...

The bridal lace made her look so utterly pure.

No one stopped to consider the fact that maybe she was happier. They never did.

I'm wondering...

2007-10-19T03:13:43Z

What's the point?

Awwz...

2007-10-16T07:32:12Z

My mp3 player's all full now... ):

To all my friends...

2007-10-11T02:42:27Z

Thanks for the love, hugs, and threats to kick ass.

It all makes me extremely happier. :D

High school's a bitch.

2007-10-08T07:13:46Z

And homework can be even bitchier.

True -Ryan Cabrera

2007-09-23T21:25:40Z

I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
That you belong with me

You might think I don't look
But deep inside the corner of my mind
I'm attatched to you
mmmm

I'm weak, it's true
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster

[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line 
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

You don't know what you do
Everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move

I'm weak, it's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?

[Chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line 
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
The way that's true

[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line 
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true


<3